I need a place to let it all go, to just get everything off my chest. I contain it all inside until I implode. SO I think a blog would be a good place to start with the purge of crap that roams around inside my head. Right now I am doubting my ability to do school, well the ability to be successful at school. I read and re-read the course work and nothing is catching inside my noggin. It all becomes a jumble of words and I cant sort any of it out to make anything of it. Then I get even more irritable because there is all this stuff i am not grasping, I am re-reading something over and over, and then there is the outside stimuli of normal life going on around me and it sets me on edge and one little comment, or bark from the dog, or request from Ariel and I go right over. It’s not fair to everyone around me when that happens and it’s not fair to me. I think part of why I am struggling is that I am pushing myself so hard with so many things going on at once. My inner voice is telling me to slow down, to just enjoy the learning. That I will be a much better teacher in the long run if I dont drive myself to a mental breakdown between now and graduation. So I am giving myself the gift of time. If it takes me an additional year to complete my studies then so be it. I will let my mentor know in the morning that I am going to slow my pace because I can not mentally handle the pace I am doing at the moment. I will go as fast as my brain will allow me to. If it cant grasp “The Foundations of Educational Philosophy”, and Geometry at the same freaking time, well then I will go a little slower this time, and make it up when I do a course like “Elementary Literature”, a course I know I should have no problems with. I always enjoyed learning, and I dont want this time to be any less awesome for me. In fact this should be the most awesome learning I do because it will lead me to a career and a purpose in life. So I am going to let the guilt of rushing threw school to save on tuition go. I will finish when I finish right? These really isnt any big rush.
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